Part 1 - "Success" Is A Funny Word
Success has been a theme in recent discussions with families. Success can and does look different for all, but a common perspective of success for young people that keeps coming up is that kids will tick off the boxes to get their diplomas and be happy about it. They’ll just move through school, get each credit, one at a time to 30 credits, graduate with their diploma then feel accomplished and proud of themselves. Check.
After that, they can think about who they want to be.
This idea that our kids will be who they want to be, after years of following along what others expected them to be, is very confusing. HOW does one connect with themselves and what they love if the goal is to “check off the boxes”?
There’s this push/pull tension of “Do all this, on this timeline” while at the same time “connect with who you are and find your passion.” Have you ever worked at a job that you don’t connect with? It’s not very inspiring and certainly doesn’t lead to inspiration to find your passion. In fact, it’s draining and can cause people to check out/numb as soon as they can through TV, video games, social media, etc.
I can see families who are reaching out inquiring about Passages are genuinely struggling with this tension. They can see their kid needs something different – they just aren’t happy, and this is hard for parents to justify. There’s family tension around school and homework, everyday school resistance, and ultimately a strained parent/child relationship. The time in life when kids need their parents the most for emotional support, the parents are siding with what school/others expects…instead of listening to what the kids say they need.
Of course, this is no fault of the parents! They are in a tricky place of figuring out what’s best for their child, considering both the present and the future. They don’t want to limit options by making choices based on the kid’s attitudes now–isn’t this what teen rebellion is supposed to be anyways? Shouldn’t they just “suck it up” and just get it done? That’s what we all did, right? You can do the “fun” stuff later once the boxes are ticked off. We just have to “get through it.” Parent/child conflict, eye-rolling and scoffing, lack of trust…this is parenting teens…right?
THERE IS ANOTHER WAY!
No, seriously, there IS another way. And this other way is full of connection and peace, *if* you can embrace it. For the parents, it is work, and commitment, and a massive release of letting go. It’s challenging your own understanding of success, learning, growth, and expectations. But your relationship with your kid is worth it. Who decided parents have to be the “bad ones” forcing their kid to school…who put us in that position? Especially when we sometimes don’t think what they’re learning is all that important, to begin with. Ultimately we want a loving, trusting relationship with our kids built on understanding and empathy - but compulsory schooling can feel like it’s working against that goal.
If you’re here because you can feel your current way of being with your child just isn’t what you wanted, then you’re already on the road to questioning what this is all about. You’re already seeing you can grow with your child and build a new relationship.
Stay tuned for Part 2