Projecting and Learning

Photo by Luís Eusébio on Unsplash

We’ve all seen it. Be it the parent that wants their child to be a sports star or a concert pianist or a lawyer or just good at school. It’s natural to want your child to do well. Often that desire, however, takes a more personal focus of the parent than that of the child. Again, it’s natural to defer to one’s instincts and be comfortable with what is known and accepted.

The expression ‘I live vicariously through my child’ sums up what is commonly called projecting. Too often parents, with the best intentions, force their children to take lessons, attend classes, or participate in events where the child really has no interest. The argument is given that a child is too young, naive, or ignorant to know what they really want or need. To a certain extent, that’s true; you don’t know what you don’t know. But once a child has had experiences, friends, and had exposure to new opportunities, shouldn’t it be their choice whether to continue? If a child is given little or no choice in the matter, the real loss is agency.

The “well-meaning” projecting done by parents and others makes things easier for the learner in the short term; they follow the instructions and meet the stated goals. Yet, in the long term as young people start to mature, many realize they don’t know what they really truly enjoy or are interested in.

A self-directed learning approach allows a learner to question what they learn every day, hour, and minute. With practice, this helps them develop a true sense of who they are, what they believe in, and how they can contribute. This sense of purpose comes not from the projection of someone else’s aspirations and goals, but rooted from within.

Written by: Ivan Beekmans